One of the most fascinating (and scary) things about being a dad is seeing the ways in which our children are (or are not) like us. All of three of my children seem to have inherited their mom and dad's outgoing personalities. Overall, however, my daughter Rachel is the most like me. She shares my love for history, loves to read and is way ahead of her grade level in reading, and loves to learn. Our biggest difference seems to be how we handle our emotions. I tend to internalize everything, and only let it out when I can't contain anymore. With Rachel, one never has to wonder what she's thinking, whether she's sad, hurting, angry, etc.
One of the "manifestations" of her emotions happened a few weeks ago before a soccer game. It was the third game of the season, and when the time came to get her dressed and ready for the game, that's when it happened.
First, some background. Rachel is going to be eight years old in a few weeks. She's about 42 inches tall and weighs just over 40 pounds. She's tiny for her age. In fact, she and Caleb (28 months younger) are so close in height and weight that many people think they're twins. Her birthday also happens to fall a few weeks from the age deadline, so not only is Rachel small for her age but she's also the youngest on the team.
Anyway, Rachel tearfully screamed that she had no intention of playing that night, or ever again for that matter. She had decided she was no good at soccer, was hurting the team, and embarrassing both herself and her family. Now, I'm not one of "those parents" who thinks his kid is the best at everything. I would be the first to admit that she hasn't been the best soccer player the past few years. Having said that, Rachel had made tremendous strides in her game since last season. She just didn't agree with that assessment.
We tried everything. We told her how great she was doing, told her how everyone makes mistakes and how all she needed was to do her best, and have fun. After that it was on to guilt trips about how she would be letting the team down and a speech about responsibility and honoring your commitments. Nothing worked. Finally I got her dressed and loaded into the van as she reluctantly and tearfully agreed she would go, but wouldn't like it one bit. She calmed down on the way to the game, and when we arrived at the field I had one last conversation with her. I told her I was proud of her no matter what she did on the soccer field. I told her that anytime she felt like she messed up, to look over at me and I'd give her two thumbs up and a shout of encouragement.
That night something amazing happened. Rachel didn't just go through the motions. Minute by minute, everyone there could see the fire growing in that little girl. She was running hard, challenging the opposing players every chance she got, and she never, ever gave up. She was so excited about soccer after that game that when the game two days later was threatened by severe weather, she was really upset that it might be cancelled (it wasn't). Since that day she has emerged as perhaps her team's best defensive player, and she is overflowing with confidence. It's been such a joy to watch the transformation.
So what happened? She hadn't gotten taller or faster. I had given her encouragement before. The only thing I did differently was to remind her I was proud of her whether she was the best at soccer or not, and that I would be there to encourage her during the game, all she needed to do was look at daddy and he'd say "you're doing a good job." The only thing that changed was that she believed in herself because someone went out of their way to show they believed in her. Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote, "Our chief want is someone who will inspire us to be what we know we could be."
We may not be eight years old anymore, but we still need that, don't we? There are few things in life that sustain and strengthen us like the encouragement of the people in our lives. Unfortunately, all too often, we either miss opportunities to encourage others, or we wait until they're so frustrated and discouraged that our words fall on ears that won't hear or that just no longer believe our words. Worse than that, sometimes we do just the opposite and use our words to tear others down in order to make us feel bigger.
The author of Hebrews wrote in chapter 10, "Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep his promise. Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near."
People in the early church were told over and over that encouraging one another was essential to being a follower of Jesus. Just a few thoughts on some of the people in our lives who need encouragement:
1) Our kids (and grandkids, younger siblings, etc) Never, ever underestimate the power of encouragement with your children, no matter how young or old. We have within us an inherent desire for approval, for love, for words of encouragement from our parents and from those in our families. It's not enough that we simply never say anything negative or discouraging. We need to actively and creatively find ways to encourage our kids every chance we can.
2) Pastors. I was a pastor for fourteen years, and believe me when I tell you that it's a much, much tougher job than anyone on the "outside" could ever imagine. They're never off the clock, living life in a "fishbowl" with everyone in the church watching and offering their advice on how they should be doing their jobs. They carry the burden of spiritual responsibility for a family of believers, and they have a congregation full of people who pay their salary and feel entitled to tell them what to do with that salary. And perhaps nobody is a greater target for Satan than our pastors. They need our encouragement, not our criticism and complaints...and encouragement is much more than saying, "Great sermon today."
3) Parents. Yes, this one works both ways. Telling our parents or those who raised us (or are raising us still) that we appreciate them and recognize all they do for us? Well that's just priceless. We parents don't expect that kind of encouragement from our children, which makes it that much more valuable when we receive it. I don't care if you're 15 or 50. If the people who raised you are still on this earth, drop everything right now and make a phone call, send an email, or stop over to tell them how much you appreciate them, and call out something specific that they did right in raising you. You have no idea what that will mean to them.
4) Spouses. Granted, I'm the last one to talk about this one with any credibility. I failed miserably at times in telling my wife how much I appreciate her hard work on the job and at home, the sacrifice in carrying and delivering 3 incredible kids, and much more. Never take for granted the little things your spouse does to make your life better. Likewise, learn to swallow your pride and keep your mouth shut when they do something minor that irritates you to no end. Be an encourager, not a nitpicker.
I could go on and on. The point is, be known as someone who builds others up. Someone who makes those around them feel better about themselves and about their circumstances. Be the kind of person who everyone looks to when they're struggling for that thumbs up and word of encouragement...whether it's your family, your pastor, your friends, your coworkers. Be that person, because sooner or later, you'll NEED that person in your own life.
One of the "manifestations" of her emotions happened a few weeks ago before a soccer game. It was the third game of the season, and when the time came to get her dressed and ready for the game, that's when it happened.
First, some background. Rachel is going to be eight years old in a few weeks. She's about 42 inches tall and weighs just over 40 pounds. She's tiny for her age. In fact, she and Caleb (28 months younger) are so close in height and weight that many people think they're twins. Her birthday also happens to fall a few weeks from the age deadline, so not only is Rachel small for her age but she's also the youngest on the team.
Anyway, Rachel tearfully screamed that she had no intention of playing that night, or ever again for that matter. She had decided she was no good at soccer, was hurting the team, and embarrassing both herself and her family. Now, I'm not one of "those parents" who thinks his kid is the best at everything. I would be the first to admit that she hasn't been the best soccer player the past few years. Having said that, Rachel had made tremendous strides in her game since last season. She just didn't agree with that assessment.
We tried everything. We told her how great she was doing, told her how everyone makes mistakes and how all she needed was to do her best, and have fun. After that it was on to guilt trips about how she would be letting the team down and a speech about responsibility and honoring your commitments. Nothing worked. Finally I got her dressed and loaded into the van as she reluctantly and tearfully agreed she would go, but wouldn't like it one bit. She calmed down on the way to the game, and when we arrived at the field I had one last conversation with her. I told her I was proud of her no matter what she did on the soccer field. I told her that anytime she felt like she messed up, to look over at me and I'd give her two thumbs up and a shout of encouragement.That night something amazing happened. Rachel didn't just go through the motions. Minute by minute, everyone there could see the fire growing in that little girl. She was running hard, challenging the opposing players every chance she got, and she never, ever gave up. She was so excited about soccer after that game that when the game two days later was threatened by severe weather, she was really upset that it might be cancelled (it wasn't). Since that day she has emerged as perhaps her team's best defensive player, and she is overflowing with confidence. It's been such a joy to watch the transformation.
So what happened? She hadn't gotten taller or faster. I had given her encouragement before. The only thing I did differently was to remind her I was proud of her whether she was the best at soccer or not, and that I would be there to encourage her during the game, all she needed to do was look at daddy and he'd say "you're doing a good job." The only thing that changed was that she believed in herself because someone went out of their way to show they believed in her. Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote, "Our chief want is someone who will inspire us to be what we know we could be."
We may not be eight years old anymore, but we still need that, don't we? There are few things in life that sustain and strengthen us like the encouragement of the people in our lives. Unfortunately, all too often, we either miss opportunities to encourage others, or we wait until they're so frustrated and discouraged that our words fall on ears that won't hear or that just no longer believe our words. Worse than that, sometimes we do just the opposite and use our words to tear others down in order to make us feel bigger.
The author of Hebrews wrote in chapter 10, "Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep his promise. Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near."
People in the early church were told over and over that encouraging one another was essential to being a follower of Jesus. Just a few thoughts on some of the people in our lives who need encouragement:
1) Our kids (and grandkids, younger siblings, etc) Never, ever underestimate the power of encouragement with your children, no matter how young or old. We have within us an inherent desire for approval, for love, for words of encouragement from our parents and from those in our families. It's not enough that we simply never say anything negative or discouraging. We need to actively and creatively find ways to encourage our kids every chance we can.
2) Pastors. I was a pastor for fourteen years, and believe me when I tell you that it's a much, much tougher job than anyone on the "outside" could ever imagine. They're never off the clock, living life in a "fishbowl" with everyone in the church watching and offering their advice on how they should be doing their jobs. They carry the burden of spiritual responsibility for a family of believers, and they have a congregation full of people who pay their salary and feel entitled to tell them what to do with that salary. And perhaps nobody is a greater target for Satan than our pastors. They need our encouragement, not our criticism and complaints...and encouragement is much more than saying, "Great sermon today."
3) Parents. Yes, this one works both ways. Telling our parents or those who raised us (or are raising us still) that we appreciate them and recognize all they do for us? Well that's just priceless. We parents don't expect that kind of encouragement from our children, which makes it that much more valuable when we receive it. I don't care if you're 15 or 50. If the people who raised you are still on this earth, drop everything right now and make a phone call, send an email, or stop over to tell them how much you appreciate them, and call out something specific that they did right in raising you. You have no idea what that will mean to them.
4) Spouses. Granted, I'm the last one to talk about this one with any credibility. I failed miserably at times in telling my wife how much I appreciate her hard work on the job and at home, the sacrifice in carrying and delivering 3 incredible kids, and much more. Never take for granted the little things your spouse does to make your life better. Likewise, learn to swallow your pride and keep your mouth shut when they do something minor that irritates you to no end. Be an encourager, not a nitpicker.
I could go on and on. The point is, be known as someone who builds others up. Someone who makes those around them feel better about themselves and about their circumstances. Be the kind of person who everyone looks to when they're struggling for that thumbs up and word of encouragement...whether it's your family, your pastor, your friends, your coworkers. Be that person, because sooner or later, you'll NEED that person in your own life.
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