An
Open Letter to all of the women who have had the title “mother”
in my lifetime:
To my
mother, Denise:
This
year marks the 40th mother's day I've been on this planet
for. By my count, I've been in contact with you for perhaps 15 of
them, and never by my own choice. That means this day brings mixed
emotions for me.
I
just want to say, up front – thank you, I forgive you, I'm sorry,
and I love you.
Thank
you for giving me life. You were a sixteen year old high school
sophomore, playing on the softball team, with your whole life ahead
of you. Many people would have understood if you'd had an abortion
or given me up for adoption, but you didn't. For that, I will always
be grateful.
I
forgive you for the choices you made in high school that meant I
would have never known who my father was if it weren't for DNA
testing and a whole lot of detective work on my part.
I
forgive you for leaving us when I was eight years old. I forgive you
for showing up when I was in middle school, spending a couple weeks
with us, then disappearing again a few days before Christmas. I
forgive you for coming back into my life again my senior year in high
school, only to make choices a few years later that meant, once
again, you were gone. I forgive you for the fact that I have no idea
whether you're sick or healthy, whether you're even alive or dead. I
forgive you that you aren't around, as the oldest child, to assist
your father in caring for your mother (it's a full time job for him,
one he's performing admirably).
I'm
sorry that you haven't had the chance to get to know my wife Tara and
our three amazing children, your only grandchildren. I know you were
around long enough to spend a few days with Rachel and Caleb, but
they were so young and that time so short, they don't remember it.
Rachel is, for better or worse, just like me, and therefore just like
you. She's got her grandmother's intelligence, her dark hair, and
her stubbornness. All things you gave to me and I to her. She's so
creative, too. Her writing skills are amazing, her drawing, too.
Now she's taking acting classes, and I'm sure that soon enough she'll
be in plays. I'm sorry you may not see them.
Caleb
is the kindest, sweetest boy I know. He has a servant's heart. He's
an awesome soccer goalie, and I am sorry you've never gotten to see
him play. I know he'd love for you to be there. He's great in math,
and just a few months ago was recognized at school for both his
academic skill and for the way he exemplifies what it means to be a
great student and a great person.
Eli
is so full of personality. He's witty, he's hilarious...and he just
may be the smartest of all 3 of your grandchildren. He's so
heartfelt when he says “I love you.” I'm sorry you haven't been
able to experience it.
Finally,
I love you. Despite everything that's happened in our lives, despite
all the times you've shown up only to disappear again, despite it
all, you are loved. I would love nothing more than for you to be a
part of our lives, today, and every day after that. After all, I'm
turning 40 this year and you're turning 57. God willing, there are
many years still to come for us both. I hope we can share them. I
hope you can get to know your daughter in law, your grandchildren. I
hope you can be there for all the moments in their lives that you
missed out on in mine. I hope.
I
love you. Happy mother's day.
To my
grandmother, Connie:
What
do you say to the woman who raised you as her own? All I can say is
thank you, and I love you. Though you are still with us, in many
ways it feels like we lost you a long time ago. Parkinson's has hurt
you physically, but most frustratingly, it has taken your mind. I
miss you. Though you are still with us, I miss you. I look forward
to the day when medical breakthroughs bring you back to us. If they
don't, I look forward to the day when we will be in a world free of
pain and suffering, free of parkinson's disease. There, you'll be
that beautiful blonde girl who grew up just across the street from
where you live now. That girl who caught the eye of a brickmaker's
son from Niles. A man who has so heroically walked with you through
this illness. Thank you for every time you took me to the doctor's,
drove me to a band concert, wiped up my skinned knee, took me to
driver's ed, made special meals because I couldn't eat the food
everyone else did, and woke me up on Sunday mornings with those words
I can still hear - “Good MORNING! Time to get up for SUNDAY
SCHOOL!” Thank you for all those “snack packs” you made of
granny smith apples and carrots, to get me excited about food I had
to eat because I couldn't have chocolate like other kids. I never
felt like I grew up without a mom, because you were always there.
I
love you. Happy mother's day.
To my
wife, Tara:
Can
you believe we've been married fifteen years? I still remember the
day you told me I was going to be a dad. Our world changed forever,
and I'm so glad. For all of those days you vomited 20 times. For
all the days you missed work, you ended up in the hospital hooked up
to an IV – thank you. I'll always remember those moments we shared
as you brought our three beautiful, amazing children into the world.
I'll always remember how beautiful you looked as you held them for
the first time, with no indication on your face that you'd just done
all that work.
I
can't imagine anyone else I'd rather have gone through those times
with. The tough times, too. That moment we realized we would have
to wait for heaven before we could meet one of our little ones. One
of the toughest, darkest moments anyone could go through, and we did
it together. Thank you for being by my side as we went through that.
Thank
you for your strength when I was weak. For keeping our family
together when I could not. For being there for the kids when I was
not. For allowing me to live my dream with Rachel's Challenge while
you stay at home and parent for the both of us. For working a full
time job and running a business so that our children can have an
amazing life and never need anything. I am so glad, so grateful that
you are the mother of my children. Thank you for being you.
I
love you. Happy mother's day.
To my
mother in law, Sandy:
When
I hear people joke or share “horrible” mother in law stories, I
just laugh, because my mother in law is AWESOME. It's hard to
believe that I've been a part of your family for almost 20 years now,
but it's true! In that time, you've never been anything but kind to
me, even when I most definitely deserved otherwise. You've always
been there for us. I don't know how on earth we ever would have made
it this far without you as a mom and a grandma. The thousands of
hours of watching our kids, the times you helped us around the house
(including having to clean up water in the basement because we were
in North Carolina). I am so grateful for your sacrificial love,
shown countless times to me, to Tara, and to our kids. We couldn't
do it without you! I am so, so lucky that you're my mother in law.
I
love you. Happy mother's day.
To my
grandmother, Shelby:
I
got to meet you once. I don't know if you remember, but it was a
brief introduction at the fire station when I was there to see your
daughter, my aunt. I regret that the circumstances of life have
dictated that though you live only a few miles from me, we have never
had the chance to know each other. I remain hopeful that will
someday change. I have only a few photos I've seen of you, including just one when you were younger. The funny thing is, of my four grandparents, I see myself the most in that photo of you.
I hope someday you'll to meet your great
grandchildren, Rachel, Caleb, and Eli.
They would love to know you, as I would. From what I know of you, you seem like a beautiful, wonderful person, and I have no doubt I would be blessed to know you. In the meantime, I pray for you, and for your husband, my grandfather, as he fights cancer. My God grant you many more years together, and continue to give you the love of your children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren.
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